People-Pleasing, Allostatic Load & the Silent Burnout Behind MS and FND
When the Strong Ones Get Sick
The Quiet Bargain We Make with Survival
Jane * arrived in my practice exhausted. Decades of “I’ve got it” had sculpted a reputation for reliability—yet inside, her nervous system pulsed like a clenched fist. Last year she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). “I can’t help wondering,” she whispered, “did always being the strong one break me?”
• Roles such as the Pleaser, the Responsible One, the Strong One are brilliant survival strategies. They secure attachment, avoid conflict, and keep the peace.
• But they also keep the stress response quietly activated—a state biologists call allostasis (the body’s effort to stay ahead of threat). Over months and years that activation piles up as allostatic load.
From Invisible Load to Visible Illness
Nervous-System Signature: Chronic ventral vagal shutdown → appease to stay safe
Downstream Biology: Cortisol drips, NK-cell suppression, microglial priming
Survival Role: The Strong One
Nervous-System Signature: High sympathetic tone masked by stoicism
Downstream Biology: HPA-axis overdrive, oxidative stress, risk to myelin integrity
Survival Role: The Responsible One
Nervous-System Signature: Sympathetic–parasympathetic tug-of-war
Downstream Biology: Autonomic instability, dysimmune flares
Decoding the Biology of Over-Service
Survival Role: Pleaser / Fawn
Nervous-System Signature: chronic ventral vagal shutdown → appease to stay safe
Downstream Biology cortisol drips, NK-cell suppression, microglial priming
Survival Role Strong One
Nervous-System Signature high sympathetic tone masked by stoicism
Downstream BiologyHPA-axis hyper-drive, oxidative stress, myelin damage risk
Survival RoleResponsible One
Nervous-System Signature sympathetic–parasympathetic “tug-of-war”
autonomic instability, dysimmune flares
Downstream Biology HPA = hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis.
Somatic Release: The Road Back from Over-Service
Mapping the Mask — Name the role you’ve worn (“I please, therefore I’m safe”) and notice its physical signature (clenched jaw, held breath, tight belly).
Completing the Stress Cycle — Gentle, titrated movement; pendulation; orienting drills allow trapped fight/flight energy to discharge safely.
Building Capacity (Not Stoicism) — Tools like vagus-toning breathwork, resonant humming, and warm oil rituals help widen your window of tolerance.
Re-storying the Self — Once the body softens, new truths can emerge: “I can be supported and still be safe.”
Early case studies show promising results when nervous system regulation is restored in MS care. Somatic Therapies are now linked to improvements in fatigue, nervous system flexibility, and flare-up reduction.
https://traumahealing.org
MS and FND are multifactorial. Genes, viruses, environment, and chance play their roles. But so do the nervous system’s survival strategies. When a woman retires the mask and lets her body exhale, she doesn’t just regulate stress—she rebuilds her neurological integrity.
Action Steps For the People Pleaser In You
30-Second Exhale Ritual — Use a double-length exhale before answering any request.
Body-Budget Audit — Track your daily “withdrawals” (emails, caregiving) vs. your “deposits” (rest, movement, joy).
Somatic Micro-Reset — Apply feather-light touch to your sternum and hum for 60 seconds to engage the vagus nerve.
Reflection Prompt — Journal: “What do I fear would happen if I stopped being ‘the safe one’ for everyone else?”
Seek Skilled Guidance — Explore somatic psychotherapy, trauma-informed neuro-rehab, and integrative care alongside medical support.
If you would like to learn and understand. more, I passionatly created the free course:
[The Roles That Protected Us – A Somatic Introduction to Survival Patterns, to help you understand ands recognise your nervous system’s story, map your adaptive roles,and learn how healing begins.
Want to go deeper?
If you identify that your’e a People Pleaser and operate in freeze and fawn response, Explore The Pleaser’s Pattern: A Somatic Breakthrough for the Woman Who Can’t Say No—a transformative course coming shortly to help you safely release people-pleasing from the inside out, and reclaim your boundaries, voice, and vitality. To register your can add to the waitlist here.
With warmth, and healing , Shalini x